you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
