Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
