i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He passed out mid-signature
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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