I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
