I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
