I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Life is so much better after having sex.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
