Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she peed on how many people?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
