I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
