Even the bartender felt bad for me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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