I got chris browned last night
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
