Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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