Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
