Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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