1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
