Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
