Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
