I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
