idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
