i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
