The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
