dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
