Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
