I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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