So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
