I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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