I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I FOUND THE LEGS
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
