Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
