They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
