I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Randomize
