how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sext me about skeletons
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
