I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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