glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize