my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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