We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
