i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
only if we run a train.
done.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
