There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
