I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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