You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
