john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize