YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
