He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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