Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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