you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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