I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
