Need sex. Gaining weight.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
