You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
