This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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