Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
