no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
