i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can't turn off my feet"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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