Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize