What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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