You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
