I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I forgot wine drunk hurts
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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