Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
