Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
