I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
