How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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