Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
