How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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