that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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