god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
