I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Terrible idea I love it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
