we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
