Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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