I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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