How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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