I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
