she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
