I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
