it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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