I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
